


And yet to every bad, there's a worse

by Anytha



Series: Journey to Discover Each Other [11]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, FitzSimmons - Freeform, Season 1 Finale, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 10:40:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2345432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anytha/pseuds/Anytha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jemma Simmons was going to survive: it was all that mattered to him. Leopold Fitz was going to sacrifice himself for her: it would never be okay if he left her. FitzSimmons POV during the medpod scene of ep. 1x22. Set after Change and Square One.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And yet to every bad, there's a worse

**Author's Note:**

> So... This is the last story of this series. I've managed to post it before Season 2 despite my doubts about the whole thing...
> 
> The medpod scene is so...important. I'm not really sure if I wrote it well and conveyed the feelings it brought me. I'll use the scene again in my headcanon series so I hope that you guys will give me feedback on this story; if something isn't right, I'll use the suggestions for that story.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this... It's angsty...
> 
> Thanks to my Beta StarryDreamer01 who helped me edit this.

* * *

_ And yet to every bad, there's a worse. _

_ -Thomas Hardy- _

* * *

 

Fitz was sure that they'd die there together.

 

He had spent an hour cataloguing the items in the medpod and couldn't find anything that could help them escape. No floating devices, no supplies but a scarce oxygen canister and an EKG.

He'd rigged the signal after adjusting his broken arm but cursed his naivety when he realised that it was a SHIELD frequency: no one would be listening.

And so that left him mulling in his thoughts, thinking about Ward and his betrayal ( _ He couldn't deny it anymore) _ , Jemma's injuries and her being asleep (thankfully she was only peacefully sleeping; with a broken arm, he couldn't have done much to help her) and then... Why had the damn medpod sunk?

When she woke up, it tore his heart to crush all her hopes about surviving. He couldn't lie to her: there was no way out.

 

“ _ We're going to die down here.” _

 

Her teary voice shattered him but... he couldn't fix it. He couldn't find a way out despite his desperate wish to do so.

He watched her as she looked outside the glass at the still blue-green water. He'd seen her watch the sceneries change from the panes of planes, trains and cars and through the window of her room at the Academy when it rained: the familiarity of the scene hit him like a punch in the stomach.

She won't be watching the world with curious eyes for long...

 

Jemma Simmons, brilliant biochemist and wonderful woman, would die here.

With him.

Fitz tried to shove away the little bit of comfort from his chest at the thought that they'd be together ( _ as always... _ ) but he couldn't.

He hated himself for it.

 

“ _ I like to think about the first law of thermodynamics, that no energy in the universe is created and-” _

“ _-none is destroyed.”_

 

He wondered how they managed to be still... _ them _ , FitzSimmons, even though they were both aware and prepared(to some point) to die.

They still finished each other's sentences and smiled when it happened.

 

“ _That means that every bit of energy inside us, every particle will go on to be a part of something else; maybe live as a dragonfish, a microbe, maybe burn in a supernova. And every part of us now was once a part of some other thing - a moon, a storm cloud, a mammoth.”_

“ _ A monkey,” _ he added with the same bit of hopefulness he'd have when he suggested to get them a primate assistant.

“ _ A monkey,” _ Jemma smiled ( _ That beautiful smile won't shine on her face for long. It wouldn't brighten a room again... _ ) and her voice took a conceding tone. That hint twisted his heart as realisation hit him hard again.

 

They were going to die.

 

“ _ Thousands and thousands of other beautiful things that were just as terrified to die as we are,” _ She looked at him.  “ _ We gave them new life a good one, I hope.” _

 

He had to tell her.

Now.

 

“ _ It's fitting we're down here together, Fitz. This where all life began on our planet anyway...” _

  
He knew that this was his last chance...

It was the only chance he had to let her know his feelings.

 

“ _ Jemma...” _ His voice trembled and he hated his hesitancy. He was hesitating again.

 

But then...

 

“ _ Fitz, the glass!” _

 

They worked the solution together ( _ as always... _ ) but Fitz knew details that Jemma didn't. He did the math in his head and ignored the thud in his chest as he realised that only one of them could leave the medpod alive.

 

But when he saw Jemma's enthusiastic face, the same expression that she had in the lab when they overcame a particularly tough experiment or analysis or when they found a solution to a seemingly impossible problem, he smiled and worked with her.

He smiled despite the pain in his arm and his traitorous heart beating faster.

 

Because Jemma Simmons was going to survive.

It was all that mattered to him.

-:-

 

“ _ It will force a breath into your lungs but you have to hold on to it. Hold on tight!” _

 

They were meant to leave together.

They were  _ both  _ meant to survive.

 

“ _ One breath... but there's two of us?” _

 

Why?

 

“ _ That's why you're taking it: you're a better swimmer than I.” _

 

She couldn't understand ( _ She didn't want to imagine the thought of them not being together...as always _ ).

 

“ _ No..” _

 

He'd made the decision: she could clearly see it in his eyes. He was being...ridiculous.

How could she leave him there? There was no way, she'd-

 

“ _ We're not discussing it, okay?” _ The firmness in his voice made her falter.  “ _ You're taking it: end of story.” _

 

They'd always discussed things. Always.

Why was he changing everything now?

 

“ _ I couldn't live if you didn't...”  _ He was looking her in a way that made her heart twist.

“ _ I feel the same way!” _

 

He didn't look at her now but his stance didn't change. Jemma felt her heart pick up pace.

 

Anger took over.

 

“ _ Why would you make me do this?! _ ”  She demanded.  “ _ You're my best friend in the world.” _

 

And then everything inside her...

 

“ _ And you're more than that, Jemma.” _

  
  


...stopped.

  
  


She stared at him. She watched as his eyes glinted in the little light with emotions and she recognised fear ( _ Was he scared of his decision? Of the thought of dying? Or... of her? _ )

Fitz sighed, deflating in front of her and she saw that resolution on his face crumble taking an almost apologetic look.

 

“ _ But I couldn't find the courage to tell you,” _ he said. He looked as though he was blaming himself.  “ _ So, please...” _ He looked at her and his eyes pierced her heart ( _ She couldn't imagine not seeing those eyes again... _ ).  “ _ Let me show you...” _

 

She stared at him and felt her eyes sting with tears. She looked at her best friend ( _ her other half really... _ ) and felt a lump of emotions lodge in her throat.

 

No...

He couldn't do that... She couldn't  _ allow  _ him to do that...

 

She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight ( _ How many times had she hugged him in the past? _ ) How could he think that she could let him-?

She broke down in tears.

 

“ _ It's okay...” _

 

It was not okay.

 

It would never be okay if he died.

 

“ _ No...” _

 

It would  _ never  _ be okay if he left her.

 

“ No...” She moved her hands to his hair ( _ How many times had she teased him for his curly hair? _ ) and kissed his temple. His forehead. His eyes. His cheeks.

 

She cared for him too. How could he think that she could live without him?

 

The tears didn't stop. Neither did the sobs.

 

She loved him too... but he'd been braver than her and admitted it first.

 

“ _ Jemma...” _

 

She was still... struggling with those feelings. But she did-

 

“ _ Jemma, we have to hurry up.” _

 

“ _ No...” _ She wrapped her arms tighter around his neck. She relished in the memory of him against her: warm, solid... well-known. His scent filled her senses and she sobbed again.  “ _ NO..” _

 

He forced the oxygen canister in her hands after breaking the hug. He gently pushed her away and sighed heavily.

She couldn't keep the tears and sobs at bay.

 

She had to find another way.

She knew him: she knew that once he took a decision, he'd follow it to the end.

She had to stop him.

 

But then he looked at her.

And he smiled.

 

And her heart shattered because it knew the truth before her mind did.

 

She might never see that smile again...

 

Leopold Fitz was going to sacrifice himself for her.

 

Fitz...  _ Leo  _ loved her to the point of dying for her.

 

It was a moment of realisation and she didn't move.

 

And he hit the button.

 

“ _ NOO!” _ Her scream was drowned by the rush of water.

  
  


And Leo moved forward and held the canister against her mouth and nose and she took the breath despite her tears and stillness and watched as he went limp.

 

Her mind went blank as her heart just stopped.

 

A rush of bubbles left his mouth.

 

And then she moved and grabbed his collar before swimming out of the medpod and up towards the surface.

 

He had to live. He had to be alive.

 

She would save him.

 

Leopold Fitz will not die.

 

-:-

 

He didn't.

 

Fitz was alive.

 

But... nothing was the same again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please, leave a comment... :)


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